THE MOST DAPPER BUM EVER!

Sunday, Jan 9, 2005

So we're leaving the club last nite. It's pouring rain and we're waiting for this guy, Andrew to bring his car up for us. Suddenly, as if delivered from the clouds, a gentleman approaches and engages me in conversation as if he were my best man on my wedding day.

"Hey, homey", he greets, "Wussup?"

He shakes my hand and half-hugs me. "How you been, my brothah?"

I already know what's going on here but I roll with it anyway. "Hey, man! How the fuck you been?!"

"Aw shit, man. I been straight rollin'. Know what I'm sayin'?"

"I feel it".

He glances over at the two young ladies accompanying me. They both wear the look of confusion and my new friend feels the obligation to clarify the dynamic of the situation for them. "Aw yeah. This niggah's my homey foh real 'n shit".

"Fuck yeah", I add, "We go back forever"

I touch a strand of his corn row extensions. "Aw shit! These are new, right?"

"Yeah, man. I just got this shit."

Think of that scene in Empire Strikes Back, on the landing platform, when Han greets Lando as Leia glares suspiciously...only more ghetto. It's kinda like that at this point.

And speaking of Lando, this cat is lookin' pretty bling. He's sportin' some rocks on his fingers with one of those big 'n pricey gangsta parkas. I know he's gonna ask me for money but I can't figure out why. The motherfucker is dressed nicer than I am.

Then it comes.

"Hey, homey, you got a couple bucks?"

"Sorry, man. I got no cash. It's a plastic night. Know what I'm sayin'?"

"I feel you, brothah"

I can sense the dissapointment in his voice as he still keeps a smile on.

"Shit man. I'm sorry", I say apologetically, "You want my credit card?"

We laugh. At this point Andrew pulls up with the car.

"Well, we gotta go. Take care, homey"

"Alright, my brothah", he says, "You got no money but you're still beautiful, man."

He turns to regard not just my party, but everyone standing outside the club at this point. "You're all beautiful! Happy New Year!"

And with that, my homey walks off into the rain.

As we hurry over to Andrew's car, Jen asks, "Who was that?"

"I have no fucking clue, but that guy sure does have his shit together."

True story.