Monday, April 18th

Okay.  I’m probably going to hell for this, but here goes…


So I worked this side gig this past weekend as a hand-held camera operator for a remote truck shoot covering a big track and field event.  The hours were long and grueling, the sun was hot, and my shoulder was ground into hamburger by the thirty-pound camera that I carried around all weekend.  Nonetheless, there was one thing I witnessed that made it all worthwhile (well, that and the pay).


On Sunday afternoon, in between events, they brought out some Special Olympic runners for a 100-yard dash competition.  It was during the women’s race that I witnessed one of the most ridiculously hilarious things I have ever seen.


Now let me preface this by saying that I bear no ill will or ridicule towards the mentally handicapped.  Pointing out their shortcomings is the farthest from my intentions.  In fact, I applaud the runners who competed this weekend.  Their bravery and ambition clearly surpasses their limitations.  That being said, let me get to the fucked up part.


So the ladies all step up to the starting line and take their marks.  The gun goes off and they all barrel off down the track.  About twenty paces into the race, one of the girls, I think she was maybe in the number three lane, suddenly takes a royal dive.  I’m talkin’ complete face plant.  The crowd erupts in one of those “ooohs” normally reserved for when you see the kid in the skate video land his balls on the stair rail.   But then, like a Terminator, she bolts up and gets back into the race.  The crowd goes nuts at this brazen show of brut determination.  Eager to catch up to the pack, she hauls ass down the track like a clumsy gazelle. 


Now here’s where it gets ridiculous. 


She wore one of those workout shirts with the cut-off sleeves and the wide, low-cut collar, and apparently was NOT wearing any kind of sports bra underneath it, so, as she’s lumbering down the track at an excessive speed, her breasts are violently bouncing up and down.  And that’s when IT happens.  Her right tit flops out over her collar while she’s running and proceeds to flap about like a raw steak in a wind tunnel!


At this point, I’m taking a break from hand-held, so another guy is operating the camera while I’m running cable for him.  We are right at the edge of the track, so she passes by us at no more than ten feet away.  As I stand there, mouth agape, he’s panning the camera as she passes by.  Not too much longer after she passes us, the race is over.  He lowers the camera and turns to me.  We both stand there in silence, not sure if one saw what the other did.  Before either one of us can say anything, one of the guys who rakes the long jump pit runs up to us.


 “Tell me you guys didn’t get that on video”, he says, pointing to the big jumbo-tron screen at the end of the field that all our shots are fed to.


“Yeah.  I think we did”, the cam op responds.


“Aw, shit", the raker mumbles with pity, "Now THAT was a wardrobe malfunction